Change Norms in Faith Communities to Support Non-violent Discipline

Return to ZOOM MAP -- Help Members Their Children and Visitors to Thrive

---

There is an objective that focuses on supporting non-violent discipline in the broader community.  This objectives focuses on families in faith communities. 

 

 

Background

The family unit is the biggest source of protection and support for children. But, in some religious communities, an application of corporal punishment is seen as a necessary part of child upbringing . However, it is important to notes that corporal punishment is never justified by tradition, culture or religion . Despite the differences between religions and beliefs, all major religions emphasize the need for respecting all humans and teach non-violence and compassion for every life . Approximately 65-80% of parent’s in the U.S use spanking to discipline their children, and 30% of parent’s use spanking on children under the age of one There are increasing research studies that show spanking is linked to future negative outcomes in a child's life including decreased IQ and increased adult abusive behaviors . There is a strong agreement across different religions that every child needs protection from different types of violence and  faith-based communities are in a critical position to prevent violence against children, especially in the home . Collaboration creates a strong foundation for engaging with different religions partners and communities to mobilize positive change .

While there is a growing number of religious, communities speaking out against violence-based disciplines, many do not know how to practice positive discipline in different situations and at home . It is important to note that non-violence is not avoiding discipline, but rather using the correct tools, approach and methods that promote and keep the well-being of the child at the forefront .

The UN study on violence against Children demonstrates that an increasing number of children experience violence in their homes, and it has called out religious communities specifically to take an urgent approach to stop the increasing trend . The study has emphasized the importance of several factors that assist in the approach, including increasing awareness of children’s rights, respecting the child as a whole, addressing values and norms that contribute to violence against children and increasing education around problem-solving and conflict resolution for parents .

 

 

Tools and Resources

There are several resources available to assist with positive discipline implementation.

Little Hearts/Gentle Parenting

The L.R. Knost––Little Hearts/Gentle Parenting Resources discusses how parents can reflect Christ-Like qualities through parenting . A few tips include building trust in children from the start and practicing what you preach- with modeling compassion, kindness and forgiveness. 

The non-violent Christin Parent manual

The non-violent Christin Parent manual, that discusses the three step listening tool. . The first step is mirroring the child in what they say, as repeating their decisions back to them helps them understand what they want to do . The second tool is validating the child’s thoughts and feelings, and not shaming their desires . The third tool is understanding and naming how the child feels when they perform an action, for example,  “I understand that you enjoy having fun with Timmy” . It is also important to provide real reasons when an action is refused by a parent, and not saying “ I told you so”- as it invalidates their desires and makes them feel less worthy. 

In faith-based communities, discipline should be known as teaching, not punishing, about respect for others and themselves. Consistency with methodology of discipline helps the child grow into a healthy individual with self-control, where they are able to set their own limits and feel secure and safe in their surroundings . Lack of consistency in discipline methodology  trains the child to manipulate the parents against each other, they feel unsafe and picked on by others . 

When consequences are needed, two kinds are available. The first is known as natural consequences, when the consequence follows our behavior- for example,the bus leaves without us if we arrive late at the bus stop . The second type of consequences, logical consequence,results from agreements being broken .

 

Promising Practices and Case Studies

Examples from communities that have implemented tools focused on this objective

Scorecard Building

Possible Objective Details

Possible Measures

Actions to Take

Actions for Coalitions

Actions for Individuals